I have many different stories of my past relationships and some of them were toxic.
To me, it felt like being trapped in a cell, shrinking the longer I stayed in the relationship.
It was more towards mental abuse than physical abuse. I did my research and want to share tips that could have helped me in past toxic relationships but also prepare you for signs that you or someone close to you might even be in one.
More resources about toxic relationships or if you’re in one will be linked below.
So grab your mug of coffee or tea and let’s get right into it!
The typical, “it’s your fault” “No! That’s definitely your fault this time” and over and over again.
None of you go to an agreement on who’s at fault. One even tries to see who’s better in the relationship.
You both even start ignoring each other for days without confirmation, leading to feelings of mixed emotions like feeling guilty, angry, sad or lonely.
Let’s be honest here, if you know that you’re at fault but still blame your partner, maybe there’s something going on here that you might not have realised.
The only way to try fix this is to talk about this with your partner. If in the end, it still continues, try giving them a warning. The more it occurs, then you need to make a decision to leave.
I’ve been through this and I’m not afraid to admit this, but I’ve been one myself.
This is someone who tries to change their partner’s life based on what is right or wrong. Which is wrong because they’re the own person, not someone who you can control like a robot.
Let me give you an example… Hmm… Say you want to work at this place ever since it was your dream to work here even though it might take a little more work to get in but then your partner disagrees with you working there and he/she wants you to work at another place that has a more “higher salary” or think what is best for their partner.
Can’t you see that your partner wants to change your life and blocks your dreams and goals? If your partner is trying to block you from pursuing your dreams, leave em. But if it was for a more reasonable reason, then you’re pretty fine.
3. BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP… JUST TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP?
You know, being in a relationship revolves around being there for each other, having a future with them, working together to making each other grow and especially loving them for who they are.
But there are some that only want to be in a relationship due to the fact that they don’t want to be alone or for some other advantages like using them for financial gains, power etc.
If you feel like you or your partner is using each other for the sake of gaining something, being completed or for your own emotions, leave ASAP.
4. JEALOUSY.. NOT THE TYPICAL CUTE JEALOUS
It’s not that type of friendly, cute and mad jealousy you get from your significant other, oh no, there’s more than that.
They’re either really jealous leading them to check your phone often, grab your phone and block nearly all your contacts, the ones that avoid letting you go out and hang out of your friends or the opposite gender and definitely the ones that try to threaten you and hurt you either way if you did something that makes YOU happy.
To me, there’s no excuse than to just leave that person. I’ve heard and even seen relationships being destroyed due to jealousy and it ain’t good.
5. CONSTANT COMPLAINING & ARGUING
Blaming can be included in this.
I mean, it’s healthy for couples to complain and argue a few times but if it does happen nearly every single day or week, you guys should either talk it out.
If neither of you talks it out, well, there might be something wrong. Communication is key when trying to figure out what is wrong.Communication is key when it comes to relationships. Click To Tweet
6. NO SUPPORT OR COURAGE WHAT SO EVER
When one person in the relationship has a problem and tells the other, then one should be able to be supportive, care and show sympathy for the other.
But if it ends up with them being horrible and again, blames you for your problems, or doesn’t give a flying feather, well then that can quite be sad actually.
There are times where the other person isn’t interested. But you know “fake it until you make it” is the only time I’m going to be saying this.
7. GIFTS = SOLVED ISSUE?
Uhh don’t get more wrong, I wouldn’t mind a special gift from my partner but if it goes from using money just for gains like forgiveness etc, that’s definitely not a good happy ending (unless you really like getting gifts).
When a partner has any conflicts and fights, they should solve it by communicating with each other, not just buying gifts just to avoid the problem.
It can also cause the problem to arise in the future.
I can’t blame you if your partner gets you a gift on a special day but when it comes to solving a problem or issue, then you gotta know that that is NO WAY on how to build a healthy relationship.
8. DOUBTS & QUESTIONS
Questions can be great when you two are trying to get to know each other but when you start to think of doubts and questions like “will he/she leave me?” “what if he/she falls for someone else?” then there’s something wrong.
I mean, cmon, isn’t that the reason why you’re dating each other?
It’s ok for having a few doubts but when it becomes consistent, then try talking to them about it. Just be glad that he/she picked you and not someone else.
If you feel like you keep questioning your relationships, then maybe he/she is not the one. When it comes to trusting your own guts, then you probably should trust your guts.
9. BEING TWO PEOPLE IN ONE MIND
You and your partner are fine being one person. You know, same matching clothes, all the same likings, same taste in stuff …
Two couples should be two people, with TWO different personalities. Like what people say “opposites attract” (that’s how I was attracted to my boyfriend).
I wouldn’t mind liking some same things but when it becomes like one whole person, then I don’t see this relationship going anywhere. It’s fine to have things in common, but liking EVERYTHING in common is just too much.
10. ISN’T THE PAST THE PAST THOUGH?
The past can’t be changed.
But if your partner can’t stop thinking about their or your past (could be something to do with your past relationships) or judges you for them then there is something wrong.
You could try to talk to them about it and explain it so they would understand but if they can’t stop thinking about it or uses it as an excuse for your next argument, then why should you be with them if they can’t accept it and move on to the current or future?
Everyone has flaws and mistakes. Even your partner.Everyone has flaws and mistakes. Even your partner. Click To Tweet
11. ABUSE & SEXUAL HARASSMENT
I really think those two words is enough to leave a relationship.
If you feel like you’re being abused or being sexually harassed by your partner then you need to leave ASAP.
Talk to someone you trust or call your local hotline. This is something that is serious and should not be placed on ANYONE.
A well as that, if you see any of these signs I’ve listed or the ones in the sources below, you should rethink your relationship or just leave ASAP.
Sometimes, people do actually fall in love in a toxic relationship and can’t get out. If you’re one of them, I suggest you check out my other post on 12 STEPS To Move On After A BREAKUP
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