This is going to be a serious topic so just a warning, it’s gonna feature some sensitive stuff. If you’re not into this sensitive stuff about bulimia or binge eating, then check out my other related posts.
Now, this has been something that I wanted to write for a while but it’s a pretty deep topic to discuss so I wanted to make it anyways because my blog is about being real here, not just about blogging tips, reviews or self-care tips.
Anyways, grab your mug of coffee or tea and let’s get right into it.
Before my “shark week”, when I was PMSing, I was more hungry than usual and when I didn’t feel like eating, I just eat a few meals at a time between breakfast and dinner. One thing I did was before I went to sleep, during the night, I would get really hungry at somewhere between 9pm to midnight. That’s when I started to go to my “junk pile” (aka my junk food pile) and start snacking on some junk food like chips, popcorn, cheese and crackers, gummy bears etc. I was fine snacking on these and I didn’t feel guilty when I ate these just to let you know.
That’s when I saw a YouTube video on my recommended page “Recovering from Anorexic – What I eat in a day”. Clicking on the video, I watched a teenage girl’s perspective on her filming her food and what she eats to recover from her anorexic days. Interesting as it was (and I love food and people showcasing their food), I searched more videos on “what I eat in a day” and a lot of those videos popped up with teen girls showcasing what they eat to recover etc. Going deep into these videos, it started going to videos where it has the word in the title “purging” “binging” and “TW (trigger warning)“ in them and it all related to Bulimia. Now I heard of Bulimia back then but I wasn’t fully aware of what that actually was.
So, here is Google’s definition of Bulimia:
an emotional disorder characterized by a distorted body image and an obsessive desire to lose weight, in which bouts of extreme overeating are followed by fasting or self-induced vomiting or purging.
Now here is what Purging means from Wikipedia:
Purging disorder is an eating disorder characterized by recurrent purging (self-induced vomiting, misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas) to control weight or shape in the absence of binge eating episodes.
As soon as I searched that up, I was doing deep research on bulimia and purging. And my outcome reaction: I was horrified and I was scared.
Watching these videos, I finally realised that, maybe I have bulimia (am I crazy to think that?) because I was snacking and binge eating at random times. But actually, I didn’t have bulimia.
1. Do I feel guilty or purging for binge eating? No
2. Was I forcing myself to throw up after eating? No
3. Did I look myself in the mirror wanting to become skinny like those Instagram models? Well sometimes.
But the point was, I was happy with the way I looked. I may be chubby a bit but you know, at least I got fat in my body right? And, the point is that, as long as I was eating and not starving myself, then I’m happy and so is my body. But in that case, it’s not happy for my body cuz I was snacking on junk food (shhh). The problem with why I was binge eating was because I was PMSing, not because I had a binge eating disorder or that I was getting bulimia.
Studies show that “Your body uses more calories during the time right before and in some cases during your period. This increase in calories makes your body burn more calories during this time, and as the calories, as burning you’re going to feel hungry more often.”
So in the end, it was my body craving for food. In all, I really do think that more girls my age and teenagers should be happy with their bodies whether you’re small or large. It’s just Media trying to advertise to younger viewers that being skinny with a large ass is “body goals” when in reality, any size matters.